A Parody of PUP's "DVP"

NSDV

My Brother thinks that I'm a freak

He's been rating me 1 star, left him on his own for a wedding

NayNay will get me my rating

Yeah, nothing's working and the future's looking bleak and I say

I took the escape hatch fast, get drunk and I can't shut up

she says i'm good for rising

I fucked up and now I'm in jail

Susan says she was like me once

I'm talking fast to get away

doing 180 to NayNay's wedding

Yeah, I'd be better off dead

I don't give a shit, I just don't wanna rate and I don't want to suck-up

I took the escape hatch fast, get drunk and I can't shut up
she says i'm good for rising
I fucked up and now I'm in jail
Susan says she was like me once

I'll drink 'til I'm riding a 4-wheeler
I'll be just fine I'm numb and loose feeling
I can't tell lies anymore

I took the escape hatch fast, get drunk and I can't shut up
she says i'm good for rising
fucked up and i'm clinked up

I just don't know what to do, guess I'll cuss with my cell neighbor
he says "I don't like your aura"
face-to-face venting
our faces become one, fuck.

New York Times X/XX/20XX

*the following is a fictional New York Times Op-Ed, presenting an argument against the "Bill of Life" at the end of the Heartland War

TOTAL INSANITY!!

The proposed so-called "Bill of Life" fails entirely to understand the basic arguments which sparked the current conflict. Nobody on the pro-choice side is there because the have a desire to abort children, and if the pro-life side is really so convinced that life is sacred, they would never consent to something as lunatic as a "safe period" followed by total ownership through the easily abused teenage years when who knows how many would be "unwound" simple because their parents got tired of dealing with moody, rebellious children? What kind of mental gymnastics does it take to believe that someone is still alive when they've been chopped up and spread around as transplants? Yes, their body parts still live, but the person they were is dead.

Fan Fiction!

Nice Guy Elijah (A Monologue)

A Fan Fiction for Caves of Steel by Isaac Asimov

            My name is Elijah Baley and I will be open minded and understanding. It will make my character much more fun to read and then I will be more relative to the reader. I am going to meet my robotic partner today! Wow! Robots! I am very fortunate to live in a society where we all have enough food to survive and I don’t work in yeast mines. I have a son and he also enjoys robots. I also have a wife who I won't say negative things about! She's great! We are not judgmental towards robots as they are here to benefit us.

            I am heading down a tunnel that turns a lot now. The Spacers built it like that because there used to be riots. Now there aren’t any riots and man that’s great. I am gonna solve this murder case and (hopefully) get a promotion. I won’t have to stand when I ride the conveyor belts anymore!

            I hope I don’t have to take any examinations to be able to get out of this tunnel. Let me get my ID, this looks like the guard.

            Oh! This is not a guard. This is a robot! This is my new partner and he looks nearly human! His name is Daneel that’s a great name! Technology is getting crazy nowadays. I am fortunate to have such a high functioning partner for this case and will stay open minded and not grimace or be miserable during the first section of this journey.

On a serious note, why is Elijah so cranky in this novel? Did that grate on anyone while reading? Did Asimov mean to write this character this way?

Asimov and I discussing Elijah

(https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1380402633ra/782727.gif)